he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
