Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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