So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
