please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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