I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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