How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
