God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
