i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will be naked everywhere
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
