I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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