Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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