this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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