She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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