She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
