Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
