Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
