At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
