You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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