Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
