he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need a beard to bite.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
