3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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