Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
