I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
