So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
