JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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