and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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