a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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