There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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