Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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