did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
