my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
