i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
