apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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