Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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