so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
