it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
