Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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