Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
