hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
