so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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