I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
