Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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