I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
