hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
