when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
