Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
