my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
