If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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