so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
