in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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