I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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