Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
