So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
