I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
