her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
