i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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