I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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